Maybe that's why I've always had to be on fire

In my defense

I've been going at this

With no help

There was literally no way

I've done the best I can

With the few bones that were given

I only wanted the best for everyone

Even now I'm thinking this is a trick

A ploy of Satan to get me to think the hand of my own destruction

Is the slide of hand 

Of my own hand, 

not at least partially his

When I know full well all I wanted was for good

For love

For peace

amidst everything that I couldn't deal with

and face,

Truly couldn't face or see. 

That I was doing all this, not to be a burden!

(And i did a pretty good job!)

It's almost as if everyone begrudgingly goes to me

Because they know, (they know!) the one chick always on fire

Will listen to you with all ears

When they're on fire.

Maybe that's why I've always had to be on fire 

"Did I just hear her say that the devil is my skill set?"

its comforting to know that I'm not the only one 

who vomits their soul

on paper

on the internet

in a rhyme

in a poem

in a prose

in a story

in a picture

in a painting

I'm here!

Lets make this happen

Let me regurgitate first

Then I'll be fine 

I know I can make it now!
Now that crap in 

Is crap out

Better out than in

And i say no

Logic catches up to me then,

crouching,

puts the palms of it's hands

On the knees of my soul,

looks directly into my eyes, for understanding,

says;

"You can stop this any time you want, you know?"

I look away,
think of him,

Really think of him,

and empathically say "No!"

Because at my core, I'm positive, positive, this will

and won't work out

when the blanket that is him

Covers me entirely

Without my ability to shrug off

Any of this,

Just yet.

Yank

I tried to yank you out

but your fleshy teeth stuck in too quick

I saw you get down on all fours to dig in!

But I continued to yank, yank and yank

You continued to fix in 

to bite in 

claw in,

And the harder I pulled

The harder you fought!

The more exhausted I got

Tears cascaded down

Enough to power a town if da@#$!

Because I experienced the void you would leave!

Then, all of a sudden, 

I just sat there,

exhausted.

For that moment I had peace in defeat!

Blessed peace!

Finally

I'm still done with you, a parasite that has clearly attached to several vital organs,

like an enemy general recruiting from my own ranks!
But I've woken form the sleep of the da@#$

and I'm okay.

and best of all,

I know I'll be okay

and I'm ready to revisit this battle.