Swallow me, now

You know, I sewed up that bottom on the green flannel shirt, the one I'd been meaning to sew up forever, minutes before leaving to meet you. I was two hours early. I was just eager to meet someone new. Someone intellectually stimulating. Someone handsome. Someone you were. The you of possibilities that you'd held, as I held the Gelato I ate a few seats down from a mother and child thirty minutes before you called and showed. You were late. I wasn't disappointed. I was used to it. I answered the phone in a bar. You couldn't hear me. I walked out. We talked about how whether or not you knew where the bar was. You didn't quite grasp. I gave away a few nearby restaurant names. You caught on to the joint next door. You suggested sake. You raved about the warmth and flavor of the drinks. We agreed on sushi two doors down from the original bar we were going to go to.
The waitress was a bitch. You mentioned it. Twice, I'm not sure. You mentioned roman history. I'd never been captivated by a man's explicit soliloquy of intelligence. Until then. I couldn't stop listening, and only lightly intrigued by the subject. I wanted you to go on. The time came to leave. The waitress came in a huff. You mentioned her tattoos were nice. I mentioned her tattoos were nice. I mentioned she probable got that a lot. I mentioned I wanted to go into tattooing maybe. We left. You took me in front of a bar across the way. We didn't go in at all. Told me that was the place to go on the weekends, for good up and coming music, not well known, but always packed. We hummed and hawed at where to go next. You rested on an old reliable. Things got intimate. Alcohol poured more frequently. Topics became more explicit. Eye contact deeper. Bodies closer.
"I have a blender, a drink mix at my apartment, you have to try"
I thought of an ugly green couch for some reason, an open spaced apartment living room and a bay window overlooking the busy street below for some reason.
You thought about the check.
We left.
The apartment was dark.
The surroundings numerous.
Books lined both walls.
You said you would not admit to the percentage you had read. I thought to myself, that meant, like my own percentage, that it was small. But no it wasn't.
I asked where you bought the shelves. you said you had made them yourself. I was impressed. You said it came from working hard in the mountains of Oregon. I was looking deeper into your eyes by that time. Becoming unsettled for some reason. We sat in two adjacent chairs, terribly uncomfortable, camping chairs!
I fumbled.
I let go.
I let you in.
I warmed you up with  my cold exterior of the realities I had lived in, was living in, not a lie lay between us for a span of five minutes.
I looked darkly, intensely into your eyes and said what didn't need to be said "I don't think lightly of life"
You said your attraction by moving to the bedroom, soon after that.
I swear you picked up they most boring video game in the world, on purpose, an old detective game.
I thumbed the video game over in my hands, laying face down on your bed, you on the floor in front of the second TV in the house. Silver. I, we, things grew silent. Too silent. Too silent and you said "Do you just want to hold?" and I slid off the bed and into your arms without a word. It had been the first time in over four to five years I'd been held by a man, like that, four to five years!
You, I, we, took each other to the bed. We kissed. When it was "Do you want to just hold" when it was kissing and everything up to that point but not past. For hours. Until the next morning. I saw things light before my eyes I had not felt in... I saw life. I saw streets. I saw seats at restaurants. I saw birds. I saw sunrise at three am in the morning. I saw things I never knew touch could bring.
When things went too far I said "_____ what are you doing?" and you said "_________, what do you think I'm doing?" I'd like to say I moved off you at that point, but I don't know if it was that point that I did. I did at some point and we did not cross the line everyone would think we did.