Not the dog

You get to the point where you're very willing to point fingers at whose responsible for your deep, unsettling unhappiness.
is it the husband?
Is it the job?
Is it the lack of counter space?
Is it the look that one person gave me?
Is it the bad tasting wine?
The book I ruined by watching the movie?
Whose fault is it that I'm not where I rightfully should be?
Who the h does a women have to cuss out to get some happiness around here?
It sure as h is not the dog

Cntrl F

What does time feel like?
A knife
A knife dragged accost your stomach your stomach at each moment of the day signifying for all you know the second of the minute you likely think you just wasted.
The minute you likely feel like you just wasted.
The minute you feel like you just wasted
Being with the wrong man
In the wrong job
in the wrong house
in the wrong body
But not with the wrong dog
No she's beautiful
Nothing wrong with her
But yes,
This minute
Is not infinite
and who did you waste it, on?

Person I like

Why I am looking at a picture of _____ (famous news reporter) at 1:37 pm, in the afternoon, on a Wednesday, on my second glass of wine, after googling a past doctor in my life and listening to smash mouth?
Good questions!
Because I have tinnitus
Serverish chronic pain
(REOCCURRING NOW, Relapse, F what you want to call it, B word for emphasis, YES  FOR Emphasis ) LOVE YOU NIGHTTIME NIGHTMARES ON THE ONLY DAY I GET OFF THIS WEEK, Truly FU SUBCONSCIOUS!
And depression. Don't forget that, mf.
There's a dog upstairs that desperately wants to learn tap dancing,
But only has three legs.
There's a women in here
WHO WANTS TO LEARN BALLET
But is fat
And (don't use and as the beginning of a sentence since it's a separator, not an opening, idiot) there's a man at a desk somewhere married to her who wants more than his MIDDLE CLASS Fing income
but I'm cool
So cool
SO COOL!
"How can I help you m'iam?"
PAPER OR PLASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charles Buckowski was my FAVORITE man! Yes! HIM!
GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT???????????
So I'll stop.
Because there's softer music coming on now
I have to start my new job tomorrow
DOING THE WORLD A FAVOR AND ALL PAYING TAXES CAUSING NO LAW BREAKING AND GOING TO work (No food stamps for me, sir, I'm good! I SAID GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!)
and I'll talk to you later, person I like.
Maybe I'll f*** that man who orders online groceries from Wal****.

What needs to be done

My name is ____ and I will do what needs to be done
Because I do what needs to be done
I do what other people "Most certainly will not!"
I will get done what needs to get done without hazmat gear
I will do what needs to get done without any courage
With streaming tears
Without encouragment
But at times,
I will do what needs to be done WITH bravery
With courage
With stick-to-idness
I will do what needs to be done with Sh### flowing over my shoes
I will deep unclog your nastiest toilet,
Clean that vomit,
Say hi to that one person you know who I'm talking about
I will do what needs to be done
Behind a counter,
On a phone,
In the middle of traffic
In front of your face,
Without thanks,
Or pay check
I will do what needs to done
Because my name is ____
And I honestly don't know how I lived this long
And would like to see how far I can take this
And I most importantly don't what to see you have to do
What needs to be done
Because you don't have to,
When you ___

Why do men want women who can easily fit into cupboards? Seriously, what is up with that?
You know what I'm talking about
You see them
Women with bottoms the size of children's character pillows.

Yes, I'm an idiot, dad

What killed me was that
In all that him calling me an idiot
For not handing him the right God d**** Philips screw driver
He neglected to appreciate
Him being able to
Ask his daughter
In his house
Next to his car
While being employed by his job
Through not being in any jail
For crimes he didn't commit
While being married to his Wife,
(My mother, still alive,)
He could legally f***
Any time he wanted to
He said I was an idiot
In his legal God d**** life
He could walk away from anytime he wanted to
If he was dissatisfied with
For WHATEVER reason
Yes.
I'm an idiot, dad.

Calm SO CALM

There's so many things I need to remember
like getting hot cocoa to calm myself down for the emotional abuse of the customers at that one place
Watching videos of room tours
Playing that game with the pet rooms to calm myself down
Listening to all that music
I've meticulously wrote down
To calm me down
All the movies
I remember,
To calm me down,
The scenes or even book titles,
That in a pinch,
Might calm me down.
I want to remember all these things
I need to remember all these things
Because I may need to
In the future
calm down.
Right now
I'm not so calm
but what movie
film
book
scene
sense
smell
sight
word
phrase
person
thing
ANYTHING
Do I  use
to calm me down?
Oh
The doll house when I was young and I played in it and there was innocence between a boy and a girl and grass and youth and lack of disease and pain
I'm calm.
Yes I'm calm
For now.