You're Screwed

Do you not know how to act?
Do you questions your ability to act normally... anywhere?
Do you like to go places?
Do you like to feel confident in your ability in not getting arrested, mocked, bullied and/or stared at or all of the above, all the time, every living second of your life?
Have you never learned a single healthy defense mechanism in your entire adult life?
Do you use your unhealthy, unnatural, viral video worthy defense mechanisms, on the daily, despite your best efforts?
Well, do I have a product for you!
Get married!
Yes, you heard me correctly, get married!
Get married and have that semi plausible healthy individual follow you around everywhere and adjust your eek-worthy behavior in front of doctors, police officers, apartment managers and former co workers.
Finally, leave your house with confidence!
Remember, your new found companion (unlike you) is just like that one credit card--accepted everywhere you go!
However
Are you both maladjusted?
Well, then.................
You're screwed.