I've done somethine wrong

But I still have my marriage. I tried to look for the perfect man. I tried to get happier. I tried so hard, so long, devoted so much of my energy to finding this elusive creature. I tired myself out. I cried. I wept. I left any man in the lurch not resembling the perfect combination of attributes I was looking for.

And when I truly believed I found him, twice, he did not want me. He was content on his own. I loved him for that brief period of my time. Then, in the aftermath of rejection and failure, I became desperate. I  started clinging to anything. No matter how unnatural their behavior to mine. No matter what, I clung. I stayed. I tried to make it work. And got hurt from incompatibility. And the world would judge me for what I did in the interim. But the world has nothing on what I have in store for my own self deprecating each day. And I judge the world in turn. But I should hope no more. For what I've done, for what I did, I want to put it in the past. I have to move forward. I have to gain my objectives. I have to fight for what will push me forward, for myself. And no one could have told that story to me better than the turmoil brought from the search for a  good man.