I F'd up

I didn't love him. I didn't even particularly feel attracted to him. His name was ____ and he was a part of the armed services. I felt like I couldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t even do anything but tip toe around him. Even asking him to turn up the heat seemed the extremity I didn't want him to go through just for me. He had tattoo’s. I traced them with my fingers. I kissed his lips. But first I kissed his nose and that started a cascade of emotions and feelings and physical reactions I couldn’t stop. I should have stopped it. He gave me every out. He was a gentlemen in every way. I don't know where I'm at now. I can't stop thinking about him. I know I shouldn't put this out to the world. I know it's dumb. But I have. Because he meant I don't know what to do. I can't stop this and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.