Silver Haired Fox

How do you know my name?

Maybe you said it on a cellphone conversation I overheard while taking a bus with you for two years. Loving you without saying a word, but loving you just the same. And you noticed me out of curiosity once at a grocery store where I didn't recognize you because you cut your hair.
Or maybe we all died in a nuclear disaster fifty years ago and we're just two replicas of ourselves the government hasn't told that we aren't real yet and we're just screaming into infinite silence at one another? But we're the only two who've figured it out yet?
 Or it could be the former.
Either way, I love you, Silver Haired Fox, and I wanted you to know.

I Want Him

Clench your fist,

Close your eyes,

Turn your head in the opposite direction,

Follow your senses, not your sight,

Loosen your hands in front of you face.

Feel zero visibility, instead of just know it!

Tap your foot inside the place that's taking you to the next one

Road block your words,

Notice your breath.

Take time to think.

Take your hands from in front of you,

Lay them gently at your sides,

Just keep going down that road,

You know where it will lead you.

You've done this a thousand times before, without even having to close your eyes.

The words in front your lips,

Who are they for?

About How it's Like.

I already had leftovers

Generation Y

I f'ing love coloring pic.

My Favorite Pose in the World

Is the one a lady makes that can only say one thing: "Hey there, boys......."

Sometimes I Can Still Smell D76 in the Air.

I just wanted to have fifteen seconds
Inside a house made for two
Brown wallpapering
Stenciled wild flowers
That we both hate
A picture that I hang up
And must remind him how much he loves me
In order to keep it up
Four chairs and a table found at a flea market
Kitchen cabinets redone soon after we moved in
That entertainment center that says we've lived here a while and have gotten a bit comfortable
The things made of old time
Like rusted tin recipe boxes
The recliner chair thread borne plum colored ridges smoothed out with age
I want us to be surprised at all we were once not here and happy and living our lives the way we saw others live theirs better than ours.......

Alibi.

I'm finding reasons to stay like alibis to a murder. I was with his sanguine smile and good looks. I was beside myself with pride at his purchase of flowers and chocolates. There's no way I could have been deciding and executing such a thing. At that time, his hands were firmly cupped in mine, I see no mistaking it: I love my husband, sir.

One Thing He Said Made Total Sense.

He said, "If it weren't for the music, I would have committed suicide a long time ago." I totally agree.

How to... Bake a Divorce.

• Find out what 'irreconcilable differences' really means to you
• Read websites that don't help
• Continue to read those websites
• Realize it really won't help reading those websites
• Talk to everyone you know, and some you don't, and lots of people who want you to shut it, about how he's an a#& hole
• Realize he makes you cry more than he makes you laugh
• Realize you're making more than yourself miserable by sticking around
• Try to work it out
• Realize he's ten when you do so
• Make use of your time exercising your legs instead of your mouth
• Realize above all else we are responsible for ourselves, our happiness, our lives, our pains, our emotions, our success, our security and no one else's
• Let cool
• Literally walk it off
• Try to stop crying
• Buy a car!

Everything's going to be okay.

Edging closer to solidarity. Asking for redemption while still slurping up the same thoughts of yesterday. Nothing matters but him. Nothing matters but the way he looked at me, all those years ago. That didn't matter at all. As long as he's not here. Hes' gone. He's nowhere between hand and foot. He is between two wasted tears. Wept too often. Taken to another. Burdened on the shoulders of others, too often. And for far too long. He is a double panned window taken with me from year to year. Never quite seen through. Impossible to penetrate. To etch truth and action into in order to see the reality beneath.

New.

I really miss those days, feelings anew. the taste of it. The feel of it. The knowing maybe for the first time, the world like a glob of jello on a plate, if you poked, would jiggle back and forth to the touch. I miss the reality of naïveity. The thrust of energy captured by emerging experience and first hand account. I miss life wrapped up in maybes and what ifs and possibles. That little knowledge and age combined to spit out a person so fresh and new it hurts to look at them and not feel pulsating nostalgia. I miss it.

Wind Up Toy.

Silenced breathing,
Expected feelings
Yet... I was , am, in the way.
Giving you no other choice,
To throw your eyes in the opposite direction
Like a knife hitting the wrong apple,
on top the wrong head.
You knew my name,
You knew my face,
You knew my husband.
You knew these eyes
But that door lead inside me, once
When yours were shut tight
Occupants left to guess
If they're allowed to stay

Oh, You Never Left.

                     

                                 His smile, moved into my hands
                                     His whisper, into my shoulder blade
     
                        Lashes flaked my cheeks,
                            
                                                            His presence layered intermittent sighs.


          But I didn't even see him today.
            He was not there at 3AM.

      Missing those screams, those nightmares

                                                The entirety of a decade encases his absence

                                                   But every word and move he ever made
                                               
                                                        Walked the  very scope of three ocean shores
For me

Inside my memory of denial,

                                     Which has survived these last past years.
                                   ..................................................................

The Way I Know You.

I love you,
did you know?
Was is it okay?
When this showed?
I love you,
Did you know?
Does this rain have to come down,
When it's no longer
Gray, and cold?
I loved you,
Did you know?
I felt all flowers,
stars,
clouds,
and wild horses.
Between the days I felt the love for you,
since too young, years old.