Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

You get to the point where everything you do and say
Your heart mind and soul are screaming
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
And you know they're right
You know the ways in which you've been speaking and doing
Are all wrong
But you don't know how to stop it
And worse you keep
Doing and speaking the same
But you know in you heart
At least
At least
At least
There's a path out
And you're willing to take it
You're willing to embrace it
You're willing to go down it
Look there
Make more mistakes
Yes
But you'r on that path out
At least
At least
At least
You're on that path out

Kindness

Kindness above all else is what should happen
No matter what
Kindness
What good would anything else do?
All the reacting
All the overthinking
All the hurt emotions
The  constantly revolving thoughts
Remembering how they remember you
As a failure
Makes you a failure
And reflects more on your own mindset
Than there's
Is it true that they think you're a complete failure?
Or are you imagining them imagining this because that's what you imagine yourself as?
All THIS JUDGING THEM HURTS YOU!
All these negative emotions just hurt you, and doesn't get anything done!
What doesn't cause pain?
Kindness
Who cares if they hate you? Love them. Show them love. What is more important than love?

The answer is follow him

The answer ____ is yes, he would want to you to follow him, no matter what

The answer ____ is yes, he would want you to make the decision he asked you to make

The answer ____ is yes, you have to follow him no matter what

The answer ____ is yes, you can't hold this above him

Follow him, ____ is the answer

I lived in my own way

You've given me vision

Why have you given me vision?!

Why have you given me this mind?!

Why have you enabled me to see how to fix it?!

Why have you enabled me to know how it's broken?!

When all too often I just move past quickly

Just to get it done

Instead of getting it done right

When I Knew

I KNEW
How to do it

Why did you give me these gifts

When all I did was judge

Those who used their gifts

Imperfectly

When all along

THAT'S ALL, IF ANYTHING, I WAS DOING

And  then to judge those who were even doing at all

What I was afraid to start

You've given me truth

You've given me a brain that understands

And instead of guiding, I judged

Instead of teaching, I pointed fingers

Instead of using my gifts

I played

I laughed

AND NOW I'M CRYING

And am surprised I'm loosing in the biggest game there ever was,

Myself

Instead of living in you alone

I lived in my own way

Does it matter?

Does it matter if this sells?
When it helps?
Does it matter if it's a masterpiece?
If it helps?
Does it matter that it's amateur at best?
When it's what makes me think this morning?
Does it matter?

I Followed myself

I laid my head at the side of my own bed each night

With adoration

And pride

I asked no assistance

BECAUSE OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT

Yet here I am

Asking myself

Where is my head

What are these thoughts

Who is your master

Why are you here

What  have you done

(AND ALL ALONG I JUDGED ALL ELSE)

Look how you messed up!

Look who was made to follow!

You thought you were so right!

YOU COULD HAVE MADE BETTER CHOICES 

HOW COULD YOU HAVE FAILED ME

And when I truly turn around and look to my leader

Oh, now how they're on their knees!

Begging for a name other than their own

That made this mess

That more than themselves have to suffer in

My mom loved the words, perhaps, oh pshaw and copiche

There ares some people who realize that life is not transitory

Life is now

What ever you do in this exact moment creates your happiness

Not memories

These people don't hope,

The do.

They do with with the now what they want to do with the now

They're not collectors of hopefully, happy memories,

Hoping that the things they are doing will create happiness for the future;

They don't live for a future,

They live in the now.

There are people who just do ii,

They create happiness

They take risks

Screw the consequences

And say what they want to say right here, right now,

Despite the every ending possibility of that illusionary place we all like to refer to as

'A brighter tomorrow'

And they live in this context outside of you

Yet, you injure them out of ignorance

You look to them as an enemy

A rogue agent in your idea of the world as it should be or could be

The world as it is in the keeping up of appearances

In which they clearly are not

Fear

It seems like the worst thing you can do is to react to anything

The reason I love that dog so much is the fact that she so unambivalently lives

It's the reactionary nature of reacting to fear that kills us in the end

I've been sober two months.