This is simply nothing I was prepared for

I think the over arching theme here is 'now'

The idea of now in the least

I mean I'n by no means an even 

Beginner surveyor of quantum physics 

If this is what that is

But what it is is

Is the here 

I am here.

The fact that I'm right here

I'm now

And this is now

And what the h do I do with the now

When no one is tormenting me?
It's as though it's easier to have the yelling

To have the screaming 

To have the struggle

The not knowing

The planning for the likely catastrophe

It's easier to have abuse

The fixing from one uneasy scenario to the next

Than to have a place of peace and ease 

And unlikely demise

This is simply nothing I was prepared for.