If computers were my friends

What computers would sound like (and I wish the world) if they talked like my friends from college.

"B#$%*, that ain't how you spell it! That ain't a word! Whatcha be thinking you doin'?"

"OHHHHHHH! She blocked yours a@#$, what did you do!!!?"

"OHHHH yous gonna follow him, huh? Yous gonna google him, girlfriend? Yous gonna eat your heart out here in an empty room, in front of a blinking screen, crying? Yous gonna be lonely forever, girlfriend."