Whole

Sometimes I take solace in the f9 key
Sometimes I simply look away
A lot of times I just cry
Sometimes I cruse fate
I look at my neighbors and see that they have it better than me
Me and my lonely self
Sometimes I just throw things
All those nice glasses against white walls that now have weird green smudges on them I have to explain away to the landlord someday.
A lot times I just sit here and stew
Try to sleep
Try to watch a movie
Read  a book
Anything to get my mind off my pain and my imcompletness
But not one time have I found the answer
Not one time have I found you
That person who could make it all go away forever
That thing that cold make me not have to consider what solace I have to take in what object, food, drink, pill, moment, animal or person next.
Not one time have I said "I've got it!"
"That's it!"
"This will make me feel whole, nice, comfortable, calm, rational, excited, nice, gentle or happy permanently!"
Not one time have any of these fixes done anything but that, fix.
And then maybe fix
and then they don't...