I'm glad you want to (yeah) me but that's not what I was hired to do

She said I couldn't . The words 'I won't' 'You can't' 'You aren't' oftened her lips. I lived in infamy of failure, repression, and lost time place and affect on situation. I couldn't dream my own society, my living quarters,  my very personality. It was this or that, had to be done for the family and don't you forget it.
Ten years later how can I change the tranquility of fitted sheets on differently shaped beds? Mask black with purple, green, red or pink? How can I disconnect a line of dissent?
Flavored lipstick, painted nails polka dotted shirts, pants, earrings too dangle for her taste? Worn anyways? No, no, no. Don't draw attention. Don't look too longingly at a good thing not meant for you. Don't be, don't think for heaven sakes don't do. Sit. Abide. Be. And when asked to get to it--get to it!
Life shouldn't be this way. I won't, mother. I won't. I can't. This wasn't what was meant for but was asked of wrongly of you. I'm sorry you said. yes. I'm sorry YOU abided, obeyed, openly, unbiasedly, and without concern. THAT'S NOT WHO I AM! I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. And I don't have to.

I love you

By the way I saw a dream. It was mine I think. It was a desert somewhere with a world saving women like always. I saw you in many dreams. How delicious those dreams were, too far appart from one another. I loved you, I love you and I loved you again. I don't know where all this is headed except to say I hope the best for you until this feeling that tells me we'll meet again manifested itself into a smile and some exchanges words of some kind that will warm the walls of this awfully cold chest you left behind.
I love you like the love I have for being a ballerina. Unreachable. Untouchable and unrealistic. But I love you, did I ever tell you? No, I never did and I close that arrogance so close to my heart it edges out in spears the size of rose thorns cutting into the reality I realize this morning meant nothing! Take the strings! Take the pride! Take the good task and toss it to a good doer who means more to the world than I did! Take that good deed and shove it some place it will grow and maintain wealth and privilege and respect. Oh the respect it would garner! The respect it will yield! Oh, yes, when I am dead and gone I will thank the heavens I kept  my secret safe and took the easy way out (which it really is besides righteousness.)
I LOVE YOU!