1. Be a good alcoholic (Don't beat people up and wear pants.)
2. Be the perfect employee (see # 1 plus show up everyday on time and try to smile, try.)
3. Be the perfect spouse (Do what's worked in the past, be the cruise director of a drowning cruise ship, try every little thing the hood taught you about saving money and/or moving it around, wink, wink and don't hurt him in anyway shape or form, you love him most in all the world because he's the only one who has and will ever give a living F about you.)
4. Be a good neighbor (Basically see # 1 and #2 plus know when to know when to stand some ground. Or don't because you're actually a pretty good neighbor. You keep it quiet. Like all the time. It's exhausting people, you're welcome!)
5. Be a good sister (Hate her until you love her again.)
6. Be a good friend (Write letters back only to those who have actually been there to weather some f'd up storms.)
