Tonight

What do you want to do?
Keep drinking.
What are you going to do next?
Drink and look at pictures of him
What are you going to do tomorrow?
I don't know.
Hope I don't die.
Because I most certainly will go to hell.

('I love him' is the only answer I can give swiftly, and evenly to any judgement before me of my thoughts and state of mind.
And no, there is no pancetta.
And it will not help.
No, pancetta does not heal everything.)

Please, ___ go to a happier place

Please ____ go to a happier place.
A place that doesn't surprise you when you smile, for once
A place full of automatic paintings of wild flowers with watercolors
Where you can watch a movie in full without distractions
Not having to keep the same song on loop
Just because it's the only thing that made you feel, for the day
Please, ___ go to a happier place
Where you don't have to constantly think about words such as
Gas lighting
Anxiety
Pills
And
Self esteem
Where things just come automatic
Where things just come calmly
Peacefully
Without pain
Where things just come
And don't cut
They all love you
They all have troubles
Just like you
The difference is
Things are cutting into you
When like fog they could just flow past
That's what you want most
You just want a flow
A stance
A place
SOMETHING
You just want SOMETHING
AND THIS
This is not
that
Someting.